My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
