He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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