I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
