btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
