I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
