oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
