i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
