Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize