Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize