Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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