Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize