Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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