chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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