oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
