I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
