so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She's not a foreskin expert like you
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize