im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
