I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
