Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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