I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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