Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
