Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't put those talents on a resume
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
