Everything about him screamed your future.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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