There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
