Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Fuck appropriateness.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
