Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
