I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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