They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
