2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
