dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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