nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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