I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
