My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
