it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
