Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Success! We fucked roommates!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize