Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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