Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
