ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
