I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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