Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
