quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
