she told me i tasted like america
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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