He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
