if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
