"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Can i not drive my cunt home
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
