yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
