I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
