This is not my ceiling
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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