So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
