I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
