he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
