what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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