I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
