I'm jealous of your bromance
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
