At least make sure they are 18
Why
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
