I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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