you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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