I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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