He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
