Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
