There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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