If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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