I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
