i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
two words...techno handjob
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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