Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
