you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
