she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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