there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
