whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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