If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize