I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
