i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
