Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
