He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
