Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize