She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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