Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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