i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
