I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
