eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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