We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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