I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
