I'm so fucking centered right now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
