my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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