Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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