i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
