Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
