New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
