mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
