Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
