weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
