I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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