you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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