My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
