I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
