ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
