Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
