remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
