New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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