we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize