hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
