We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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