He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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