i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
